bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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