SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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