remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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