i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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