The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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