If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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