apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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