so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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