you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
