It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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