its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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