What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
