Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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