when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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