I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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