I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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