I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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