Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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