when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
