we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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