Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
