you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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