I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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