I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
