You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Randomize
