Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize