i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
