well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
