problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
