Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
