Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
