They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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