I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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