well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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