I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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