You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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