I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
where are my eyebrows?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
