She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
