My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
