Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
