so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
