Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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