1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
