why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
