Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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