glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
