It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm