all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
