im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
