Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
