I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
