my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
