The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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