we're blogging at a bar
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize