it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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