he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
