I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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