I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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